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by Free The Robots
Summary: Optimus Prime/Prowl, SLASH, Description: Prowl finds something that he'd given up long ago. Love. But the road to love is hard. Dreams and memories are sweet things, but reality is all the sweeter. I don't own Transformers.


After

Optimus' optics came on slowly focusing only when he blinked several times. He felt a comforting warmth over his middle and looked down to see an black and white arm draped over him. He looked to the side and came face to face with a sleeping face, the face had smooth lips, and a red chevron and he knew instantly almost before he saw the peaceful face, that it was _Prowl_ sleeping so serenely next to him. A smile grew on his face and his hand stroked a white cheek. "I'm glad you're back." He whispered and despite it being morning, he went back to sleep content and happy with the mech sleeping beside him.

Before

The shot seemed to ring loudly in the air even though the sound was probably lost in the din of the other weapons firing. But to Optimus, that shot was the loudest sound in the world. It hit Prowl straight in the back severing the spinal arch and punching a hole straight through the mech. Optimus doesn't remember screaming but the mechs next to him, after the battle, said he did so. Optimus' optics immediately followed the line of the shot straight back to Rumble. His gun hand raised almost of its own volition and a single shot from his rifle completely shattered the head of the little symbiotic killing it instantly.

He got back to the battle, almost blind with emotion, aware, peripherally of Ratchet screeching his way onto the battlefield to recover the fallen SIC. It seemed almost the entire Autobot army covered the ambulance so great was their loyalty to Prowl. Then when the ambulance and police transformer were off the battlefield the attack focused back entirely on the Decepticons, attacking more viciously than they ever had.

They won the war that day. Prowl went into critical stasis. Ratchet said he might never wake up. Processor functions resume in Prowl and Ratchet amends his statement saying that Prowl might have a chance, but that it was slim, and he might remain in this stasis for the rest of his life. The humans called it a 'coma'.

Now

Love, something he can never have. Something he gave up even before the war. Something he never expected to find again, never expected to _want_ again. Prowl knew what he had to give up for the war, and love was one of those things. If he wanted to survive, he had to lose love. He began to realize though, that surviving was not really _living_. And now he was dead, or very close to it.

He stared over at Optimus, sitting beside him. Though it was not his body that looked to Optimus, but his spark. He was outside of his body, and it felt right, he should not be in that loveless shell, not anymore. His wrecked body, even though it was fixed now, and no remnant of the shot that had put him in this state remained. He wondered when he was going to finally die. He hoped his next life had a better chance at love. He looked at Optimus, saw how tired he was, and he almost wished that the other mech would abandon him. But then he would be alone, and he didn't want to be left alone in the hospital wing, not with others like him, dead to the world, he would be alone, and though he knew it was selfish, he did not want to be alone anymore.

He wondered if he were alive now, or at least _awake_ what would happen. What would Optimus do if he awoke right now. Would he react with joy? Or… no. He had thrown away love, and it would not be able to find him now. Even if he did love Optimus, he was sure that the Prime would not return his feelings. And he did not love Optimus. He did _not_.

"I love you." Optimus Prime said to the shell lying next to him. True, the shell was not totally dead, yet, but it was very close and he wondered if the personality trapped inside could still hear him.

"I didn't realize it until very recently, but I do." He paused and stroked a finger down a still white cheek. "You were always there for me, whenever I needed you, and sometimes when I didn't." Here a chuckle sounded, "you took better care of me than you did yourself." Grief grew like a tangible thing in this throat, choking his words. "I wish you would wake up. I want to see your smile again, the smile that you always gave me and only me. You thought I didn't notice, but I did, and I appreciated it."

"Optimus," A voice came from the doorway to the room and Optimus looked behind him to see Ratchet, looking grim, as he always seemed to look these days. "I think we need to discuss something, in private." As though Prowl could hear them. Whatever Ratchet wanted to talk about, Optimus knew he would not like what he had to hear. He got up slowly, reluctant to leave Prowl's side, as though Prowl would wake up at any moment, and he needed to be there for him when that happened and he left the room with Ratchet.

"He's not going to wake up." Ratchet said bluntly, but Optimus could see the pain behind the medic's optics, he didn't like giving up on his patients.

"But he has processor activity!" Optimus protested.

"Yes, but we don't even know if his personality is still there, or if his spark has reverted to its original state. And we can't know that with Prowl not awake. If he hasn't woken up by _now_, then I'm afraid he's just not going to wake up ever again. He's gone Prime, and it's time we let him go."

It was a small ceremony, Ratchet and Optimus presiding. They had Prowl's shell on a hoverpad and they guided it slowly through the corridors of the temple of the Allspark. Optimus couldn't let go of Prowl's hand. He felt that if he let go, it would be the end of everything, the end of something he'd never got to have.

When they arrived at the Allspark Ratchet guided Prowl's chestplate gently apart to reveal the spark pulsing strongly in the limp body. Prowl's optics stayed unlit. No response from his body came as Ratchet opened the protective casing that surrounded the spark. Only when the spark was revealed to the light did it react, rising into the air and spinning around idly as if looking at the scenery. Then it stopped as if it saw the open port of the allspark, pulsing gently with the thousands no, millions of sparks in the One True Spark. Then it dove in, and was soon lost among the other amber sparks and Prowl, was finally, after six months of stasis, gone.

"So that's it then," Optimus said numbly, still holding the fading hand in his own. The true shell now lying beside him fading completely of any color. He heard the telltale sounds of a Cybertronian shutting down for good and he let go of the hand. It fell with a clink on the hoverpad. He turned and felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Optimus," Ratchet said, and the numbness spread to Optimus's spark where it sat like a cold lump, a vortex of loss.

Prowl felt happy for the first time in decades. He felt content and surrounded by the very thing he rejected, love. He was not alone either, he brushed against the sides of thousands of others, all sending their support and love through him. It was as if in this place, all was love and acceptance.

_They love you, but there is one who loves you more, if you would but let him._ A voice resounded in the space Prowl occupied and just as suddenly as the voice, he realized that he had no body, no real place to go. That was another thing that filled this place with contentment, but it did not fill him with happiness, no, it felt wrong.

_You took too long, and they had to let you go._ The voice was gentle with him, like a whisper, as if the voice were to shout, it would tear him apart.

_How did I take too long?_ Prowl asked. _I didn't know how to wake up!_

_Did you love Optimus Prime?_ The question came out of nowhere, bringing Prowl's thoughts to a screeching halt.

_What?_ He asked dumbly, hardly believing what he had heard.

_In your life, did you _love_ Optimus Prime?_ The voice asked again and suddenly without a doubt, though he had hardly been the most religious of the Autobots, Prowl knew this was Primus speaking to him.

_I couldn't let myself._ Prowl admitted, _I knew what would happen if I declared any sort of feelings for my commanding officer. I would be rejected, and I would be transferred somewhere my skills would have been wasted._

_And what exactly happened the other day? _Primus asked kindly and Prowl felt his entire being flush as he remembered Optimus' confession at his side.

_He… He said he loves me._

_And would you return his feelings if you could. Would you let yourself love Optimus Prime if he returned, in truth, your feelings?_

Prowl shivered, he wanted to evade in some way, say no, but there was no escaping the truth in front of Primus._Yes._ He said.

_Then I will help you, all you need to do is go to sleep, and when you wake, all will be well again._

Prowl let the sides of all the others brush against him again, fill him with false contentment, and he slept, and _dreamed_.

Optimus slept badly, only one dream playing over and over; the shot that should have (and eventually did) killed Prowl. His dreams all played out like that, for about a week before they changed suddenly, and for the better. The dreams were still about Prowl, but it was like Prowl was actually _there_ inside his processor, was standing beside him once again. He was smiling at Optimus, one of those gentle smiles he used to give him when he thought no one was looking.

"I love you too." Came the long-awaited response to a confession given that had expected no answer in this life.

And Optimus woke up, one arm stretching towards the ceiling to the spark that he could see just out of the corner of his optic. Wait… the _spark_ he could see. He sat up quickly staring at the spark hovering in front of him, and he knew, somehow, that this spark was Prowl's. As if noticing Optimus for the first time, the spark snugged up to Optimus's chest, and just as quickly left, passing through the wall and back to -Optimus assumed- the Allspark.

He got up and practically ran to the med-bay where he told Ratchet what had just happened. The medic reacted with shock and with disappointment, disappointment in himself for giving up on Prowl. Optimus placed an arm on Ratchet's shoulder, "Maybe this was the only way Prowl could wake up." Ratchet looked up and smiled at Optimus.

"Maybe." He paused, "We need to get Prowl's shell out of the hall of heroes and into your berthroom. If he comes back, we just have to hope that he decides to reclaim his body."

And he did.


End file.
